“Constructively” trashing our style
October 19th, 2007
Here’s the email (word-for-word), that I woke to Saturday morning:
Hello. I just thought that seeing as you’re aspiring for a successful online baby boutique that a potential customers comments might be of interest.I am currently looking for gifts for about three different mom’s to be….. At first glance my thoughts are as follows: The “baby fabulous” logo and colors are unappealing and not high end “boutique” enough IMO…a little gimmicky to be honest, the blankets are great but could be featured and showcased so much better - colors are not as great as they could be, sizing for the “tea” onsies is immedietely a turn off…. why not just go with typical sizing that everyone’s familiar with? You’re losing people with that despite the sizing chart…. people don’t like to have to click any more than they have to. That made me not want to buy. Your graphic onsies are unappealing as a whole…… the graphics themselves look cheap and “run of the mill”. Again, not near the “boutique” level that I gather you are trying to reach.
Sorry if this seems harsh, but judging from your blog…. you need honesty and frankness. The only other thing that I can say is that you seem to doubt yourself WAY too much. Set your sites, take critisism constructively and just DO whatever it is that you’ve set your sites on. There’s nothing holding you back. You’ve got so much of it together, but you still doubt yourself every other step…. it will take you twice as long to get there at this rate of insecurity and doubtfulness. The ultimate goal will never be acheived unless you truly believe it can be a reality and you just get it done!
Of course, receiving an email like this sets off a bunch of emotions, but I’ve opened myself to critisicm all my life (from talent shows and creative writing courses to editing for the college newspaper), so no big deal. The thing is that there is a difference between constructive criticism and unconstructive criticism.
Here’s the good critique I can twist out of this email:
- It would be great if you could have better product pictures.
- It would be great if you could offer more color and print choices for your blankets.
Otherwise, if you don’t like our style, walk on by. We’re not aiming to please everyone, and we have no grandiose delusions that our style would be the first ever that everyone loves.
As far as doubting myself too much, I strongly agree and disagree. No one who “holds themselves back” could’ve designed, developed, and launched their own products. Not to mention that within one year of business we have a strong customer base, celebrity clientele, and we can boast of numerous positive product reviews on television, in national print publications, and online. And that is all within our first year of business. It’s true I beat myself up for not doing more all the time, and I always believe I can go stronger and longer and do it better. This is why we’ll succeed. But I also believe it’s important to pay attention to my spirit and my family and spend time with them - in the end, it’s going to be the memories that matter, not how fast we sky-rocketed to success. So I forgive myself too for not getting more done all the time.
I share my doubts and struggles on this blog because those are the type of things that I feel are the most useful to share and what it helps me the most to vent about. It’s also a part of this blog that makes numerous people reach out to me and say “me too!!!” - (which, btw - I can not tell you how much that means to me- even if I can’t get around to answering all of you right away). Because I’m doing this alone too - learning as I go - and it’s so GOOD to know that others struggle too.
I’m REALLY not into putting on a false face for the world or showing only that side of me is strong and confident, - that me that walks into boutiques and sells my own products, that meets celebrities face-to-face with the full belief that they will LOVE our stuff, that me that knows I’m the best or I wouldn’t be attempting this at all. It’s more important to me to share the reality of being a first-time entrepreneur, and so this blog naturally centers around the hard parts of this venture and the mental struggles (and thus strength) it takes to keep going.
PS. I HAVE to add that those “unappealing” graphic onesies and tees she mentions have absolutely been selling like mad!
Entry Filed under: About Me, Online Boutique
18 Comments Add your own
1. alison | October 20th, 2007 at 3:07 am
Well, I wouldn’t take too much notice of someone who can’t actually spell!
2. alison | October 20th, 2007 at 3:10 am
And I love reading your blog - like me, you don’t have a background in the fashion industry and it’s inspiring to read about your development.
The writer of the email is not your target market - the fact that they didn’t buy proves it!
3. Lisa NYC | October 20th, 2007 at 6:42 am
oh Amber…can I SMACK that emailing fool?
I think people who write those type of emails do so without any face to face confrontations. How bold of her–bet she’d never say that to your face…
Please do not let this coward rent any space in your head. I appreciate your honesty about the reality of starting and running a boutique line.
Chin up, girl…
4. Carrie S. | October 20th, 2007 at 7:18 am
Like you, I am growing and running a business that I was not trained for, have no education about, and is a huge learning experience everyday. I’m so glad you published this email, if not to show everyone what we have to deal with on an everyday basis, but to reiterate and illustrate the passion that continues to drive us and keep us going.
Give it a label, file it away, move on. And keep doing what you are doing!
5. The Hen | October 20th, 2007 at 7:21 am
Your blog is great and full of courage. I found it through Jamie. I write about my business at http://www.bilingualintheboonies.blogspot.com. Will be back to read more. Best of luck to you. Carrie
6. jess | October 20th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
hi, i have been reading your blog for a bit and i really enjoy reading about your process. i am glad you are taking the criticism in a positive light. and.. i was getting my daily dose of celeb gossip and came across this: http://perezhilton.com/?p=7414 i am pretty sure this is your blanket : ) pretty cool!
7. Liz | October 20th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
Oh my goodness. I can’t believe someone would be presumptuous enough to write such an email! Hmm, must have nothing better to do. There are lots of things in this world that aren’t my style, but I think that is what makes the world interesting. Be true to yourself, and please don’t stop sharing. You inspire me!
8. Amber - RuffleButts | October 20th, 2007 at 8:19 pm
I’ve told you before and I stand by it still - you are an inspiration and a breath of fresh air to us determined (yet, still sometimes overwhelmed) entrepreneurs. As I have started my own line of children’s apparel based on the little ruffled diaper cover that was my daily outfit as an infant, I have relied on your words of motivation, struggle, confusion and advice to get me through these first incredibly insane months. I received my first negative email that I also mention in my blog - you handled it much better than I did - I was personally offended. My husband sweetly reminded me that anyone willing to take the time to write an unconstructive, hurtful email such as the one you received, really doesn’t have an opinion that would matter much to me anyway. I appreciate you sharing your life with so many of us!
Amber
http://rufflebutts.blogspot.com
9. amber | October 21st, 2007 at 5:51 am
Thank you all you wonderful people!!! We are on very exciting journeys and I think it’s an amazing thing that we can come together and share it this way. I can see that some of you have new blogs, so I’ll work on getting the startupkidsline.com links to include you all.
This email - you can tell it got to me more than it should have, the style part was particulary ruthless - but I’ve been in plenty of boutiques where they don’t like the style - it was more the personal attack. Because I do open myself to feedback by blogging, I really had to sit with this a few days to figure out if it was fair and even if she was right. No, we shouldn’t let unknown people out there bother us, but unfortunately, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t.
Amber - what you say about me handling it better - you might not have thought so on Saturday morning or Sunday and Monday when I was still talking about it.
But THIS was my response, I didn’t write her back. I did search emails and found she wrote me a month or so ago sharing that she’s trying to break into this industry, so I don’t what the chip is - I do know whenever I start telling myself “well their stuff’s not REALLY all that Great”, jealousy if often a root cause
Writing this post about it helped me deal with it and get over it - so that I can move on, - with a thicker skin LOL
Oh and the picture on the other site wasn’t our blankets (shoot!), but Gwen does have one - so maybe someday.
Thank you all - please keep commenting and writing and blogging on your blogs, it’s so wonderful that so many of you are willing to share too!!!
10. Jamie Lentzner | October 21st, 2007 at 11:11 am
Oh I am SO sorry you got an email like that. That is awful - some people just can not help themselves and must insult others - it makes them feel better. I know it must be blowing to your ego, and I KNOW how it makes you second guess yourselve even more. We can not be everything to everybody - and unlike others we HAVE (you have put yourself out there) - others are just chicken sometimes. A very un-happy or insecure person would feel the need to criticize you so….if I was not such a lady I would tell that woman to go (blank) herself - Take care - you are doing GREAT!
11. Mindy | October 22nd, 2007 at 6:50 pm
I believe there is an actual Psychology term for what she’s doing - sort of a slap and a kiss, or a double-barrell comment or question.
“You are so obviously need of advice that I had better be as frank as possible so that you may re-cast yourself in the image I have in my head as the ideal boutique even though I just shop. I could never create and run one. Also? You are too hard on yourself (you can leave that to me.)”
She is simultaneously smacking you down and bucking yo up, which is a particularly pernicious combination. There are little time bombs set to go off (like, those designs are selling even though she said they were crap - the fact that you even need to say it to yourself shows that it worked). And each time one goes off, today or next week or next month, you will remember the kinds words and attempted friendly attitude. This lady is dangerous.
Now I have to go look in my DSM to see what that term is!
By the way, the first thing I thought upon coming to your site was, “Ooh, what creative use of images, must bookmark for inspiration.” So there. : )
12. Robin | October 23rd, 2007 at 7:27 am
You know I would say to her what I am teaching my 3 yr old, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all!” There was no tact in her message and even constructive criticism can be stated is a more appropriate manner, if she really had any to give.
13. canadianmompreneur | October 24th, 2007 at 1:33 pm
Amber. Your product is wonderful I saw it, I touched it.
It easy to criticize, but hard to create something.
Of course we can’t please everyone, it’s not the intention. You have the right product for the right market it’s all that matters.
14. Maggie | October 24th, 2007 at 9:07 pm
Oh my …who is this..? Where does this lady get off…. I am shocked someone really thought this was appropriate. As I read it I thought “this has gotta be someone competing with her- who is jealous or trying to hit her ego”. Definitely not a potential customer- you stuff rocks- it’s what we need more of- original, smart and sassy. keep going and I am sure karma will serve her some of her own meaness. As my momma says ” the world spins -when you spit out that stuff it will eventually hit you in the face”
15. Stacey | October 25th, 2007 at 11:24 am
Hi, I am really interested in everything that you have to say. I absolutely admire you! I am a design entrepreneur and have started to create my own clothing line. I have my drawings done and would like to order sample fabric and have a local sewer create a sample of each outfit … but I am unsure of a good fabric supplier. Can you help me? Is this the right way to go?
Secondly, I have contacted a manufacturing company in the US that is private and kind of guides you through the steps, but I do not know if this is the best route - I am sure it is costly. can you give me some tips on what to expect and perhaps a good manufacturing company?
Lastly, how do I go about getting my product/pattern graded? I live in Canada? What does that involve?
Thanks in advance for your assistance and I look forward to reading your post.
Stacey
16. "basher" | November 9th, 2007 at 10:51 am
Hello everyone. I am the person who wrote the email. We are expecting our second baby any day now and I have about 7 girlfriends who are also expecting. I am a professional children’s photographer and a web designer… and might even venture into a particular specialty childrens product in the future (not apparel).
My intention was to criticize according to my opinion as a consumer, mother, professional and frequent online shopper. The value of that differs from person to person obviously. It was not meant to insult or hurt feelings. I apologize if it was seen in that way. I didn’t feel that I was being smug or disrespectful. We are all adults and I would welcome this type of email if I were in your position. But, people’s view on that varies immensely apparently.
I am not and will never be your “competition”. It was just my opinion. Nothing more, nothing less. As I think you’ve recognized, when you put yourself out there open to people voicing their thoughts regarding your business - you can expect and hopefully appreciate some candor regarding consumers’ opinions. I might have been a little too much in the “business, straight forward, tell it like you see it” mode, and could have been more “sensitive”.
Maybe what a potential customer thinks is not of importance to some of your supporters. I think this would be incredibly naive and counterproductive.
Best of luck to you in your business …which I think has many attractive facets in the baby/mom world. And, again I apologize if my comments hurt you. That was not my intention at all.
17. amber | November 14th, 2007 at 7:58 am
Hi “basher” -
I’m not going to spend a lot of time here. But a quick couple of notes: your response itself declares your “intention was to criticize” (vastly different than critiquing).
I think your energy would be better focused on positive things right now, especially if you are pregnant. I appreciate if you were trying to provide constructive feedback, although I’m still waiting to hear what this might have been.
Do you know how many artists there are in the world that I don’t like? Why would I bring negativity into my life by trying to share that with those artists? I wouldn’t, I’d rather bring positive by focusing on what I can create.
Whatever your true intentions, I hope you’ll give some thought to how to professionally provide feedback and to what type of feedback is valuable and useful.
18. Lynne Fairchild | November 15th, 2007 at 6:43 pm
Amber, your sharing of all of your ups and downs certainly helps me on my journey as an entrepreneur as well. I’m inspired by how much you believe in yourself and how much you trust the journey of creating and re-creating your business, continuously.
I’m a professional life coach, and after 10+ years in this business, I’ve come to know that the internal ‘gremlin’ voices are part of the territory of ‘playing a bigger game’. They don’t mean that you don’t believe in yourself. They mean that you’ve committed to continually step up into a greater level of creativity and getting your unique work out there.
That any of us stumble and learn (you always learn, and you generously share your lessons with us) is to me evidence that we aren’t settling for the safe, known territory or status quo. We are committing to go for it, and there’s always a bit of pioneer-ship that goes along with that decision.
The internal voices of doubt are only a part of us, and they are infintesimal compared to our creative, resourceful selves. Anyone who reads your writing regularly can see that you transcend any insecurities with your creative true self.
I’m incredibly inspired by your willingness to stay with the creative process, and to believe in your creative ideas and yourself. You go, girl!
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